Frustrating Food Woes

Do you have a child that is a picky eater?  They don't eat their vegetables and only will eat mac and cheese or chicken nuggets?  I actually wish my child would eat that crap.  He won't.

Ezra is the pickiest eater on this planet.  He won't eat anything.  It's pretty crazy that he is as big as he is.  We honestly scratch our heads on how this kid is growing.  I have no idea because he literally hardly eats anything.

Part of it I definitely blame it on the Autism.  It's not a taste thing for Ezra, but a texture issue.  He won't eat anything that is slimy or mushy or too crunchy.  He will not eat raw vegetables, but he has no problem drinking one of my green smoothies that I make each morning (more on our green smoothie woes later).  He won't eat anything that is mushy.  Examples are pasta, potatoes, rice, mac and cheese, too ripe bananas, applesauce, runny yogurt, etc.  You get the idea.

As an infant Ezra gagged and threw up a lot.  I don't know what it was exactly- if foods just made him gag or if there was something going on inside of him that no doctor could ever figure out.  There was a time in our lives that I was changing his crib sheets almost everyday because I would find him every morning in vomit.  Most of the time it was just a little bit, but there were a few times where it was epic.  We lived in California at the time and I remember one incident where I picked up the most gorgeous berries ever from a local farm in Watsonville.  Ezra had a few.  The next morning there was a berry explosion in his room.  All over the walls and everywhere.  I threw away those crib sheets.

As a baby Ezra loved prunes!

He also would throw up when we were out in public.  For no reason at all and we could never figure out the reason.  A few incidents stick out in my mind.  One night we met up with friends from Berkeley that we hadn't seen in for forever.  We met at this pizza place.  We had ordered 3 pizzas or so and were sitting there serving up the pizza to our kids.  Ezra was in a high chair and I was trying to get him to eat some pizza.  I was embarrassed and wanted our friends not to wonder why our eighteen month old wasn't eating pizza.  Every kid loves pizza!  I wasn't forcing it, but we were strongly encouraging him to take a bite.  No less than five seconds later,  Ezra barfed everywhere.  All over the table where he sat and the floor.  I have never in my entire life been so mortally embarrassed.  We immediately stood up, Jason dropped some money on the table, and we headed home to clean up the mess all over our baby boy.

The sad thing was, this was normal for us.  We were totally used to it and it actually didn't surprise us in the least that it had happened.  I remember our friends later called us and they were so concerned that Ezra was sick.  He wasn't sick and we knew it.  The second we got in the car and drove away, he was fine.  He was laughing and as happy as a clam.

Another incident that comes to mind was the Christmas we were visiting our families in Utah.  We stayed at my older brother's house.  My brother had all of the family over at his house and we picked up Cafe Rio take out.  Cafe Rio is a Utah phenomenon that we really missed while we lived in California and we were so excited to partake of it while we were there (I also must say that DC has a gazillion Cafe Rio locations now, so we get to indulge without flying across the country).  We ordered a cheese quesadillas for all of the kids.  We all sat at my brother's dining table with kids in tow and began eating.  There were probably 12 of us.  Ezra started eating his quesadilla!  Jason and I were so excited that he was eating it!  On cue, Ezra threw up the piece of quesadilla that he had just eaten.  We ran Ezra to the bathroom and stuck him in the tub before he could barf more.  It was embarrassing and all of my family members were concerned that Ezra had some wildly contagious disease that their child would also get right before Christmas.  He wasn't sick.  We tried to explain it to my family and everyone just kind of looked at us like they didn't understand.  They truly didn't get it.

Ezra drank from a bottle longer than I am really comfortable admitting.

Ezra grew out of his 'barfing for no reason at all' phase when he turned two years old.  Thank goodness because I had just had another baby (Asher) and I didn't want to change more sheets than I had to.  At about this age Ezra started something new.  If he didn't like something he was eating he would store it inside his cheek and leave it there.  Most kids will spit it out, right?  Not Ezra.  He would store food in his cheek for hours!!

It would happen for a few reasons.  One reason would be that he was eating something that he really didn't like the texture.  I remember I cooked carrots for Sunday dinner.  The carrots were basically like candy with sugar all over them.  They weren't too mushy and they weren't too crunchy so I was sure Ezra would like them.  He took a bite and seemed to like them.  He took another bite and we noticed that he had stored both carrot bites in his right cheek.  We tried everything to help him either swallow it or spit it out.  Drinks, more food that he likes, candy, etc.  Nothing worked.  We thought he'd probably spit it out after awhile.  Well, six hours passed and he still had a chipmunk cheek.  So we layed him in the bathtub, Jason pinned him down, (because he wasn't letting us get close to his mouth or his stashed food) and I did a finger sweep in his mouth.  He immediately threw up.  This became a common routine for us.

Of course we were just careful to not feed him things that we knew he wouldn't like and he would store in his cheek.  But sometimes things would happen, or a babysitter or a family member would give him something and then they would call us and wonder what to do.

When we moved here to DC Ezra was about two and a half years old.  I remember I went to a playgroup with some other moms in the area.  One mom offered Ezra some trail mix.  I immediately knew that this was a very bad idea and told her to please not feed him any.  She's one of those moms that thinks she knows everything about everything.  I even shortly explained to her why I didn't want Ezra to have any.  Well, I was new and wanted to be nice, so I let her feed Ezra the trail mix.  He began stuffing it in his face and his cheek got bigger and bigger and bigger.  The mom said to me: "See he loves it!  I knew he would!  You gotta trust me more."

The kids played on the playground for a good 45 more minutes and Ezra ran around with a huge chipmunk cheek.  Hello choking hazard, right??  I took Ezra home, bribed him with everything we had, and nothing worked to get him to spit it out.  I stripped him, put him in the bathtub, and for the next 2 hours he laid in the bathtub puking his brains out after every finger sweep I did to make sure all of the trail mix was gone.  Suffice it to say, I still really dislike that woman, and I will never eat trail mix ever ever ever again.  You cannot pay me enough money to eat trail mix in any form.

Then I started doing more green smoothies for Ezra.  Ezra will eat or drink ANYTHING if he can suck it out of a straw.  Weird, right?  I have made some pretty nasty wheat grass juice in the past that he just slurped right up with a straw.  I won't go into all of the details and years and years I've been taking him to doctors for this particular issue- but the green smoothies didn't work.  He would get terrible diarrhea, even from the smallest amount.  Which would turn into gross sores on his bum, etc. etc.  We can't do green smoothies, blueberries, or strawberries.  He gets terrible terrible runs.

I have talked to doctor after doctor after doctor about all of Ezra's food issues.  Everyone tells me the exact same thing: 'He is a big boy, very big for his age, he is growing great and I see no need to be alarmed about what he is eating.  Whatever you are doing, keep doing it because he is tall and strong!'

Part of me also blames his picky-ness on his dad, Jason.  Thirty years ago or so, Jason's mom took him to a doctor because he wouldn't eat anything.  He wouldn't eat hamburgers or meat or anything that even resembled a vegetable.  As a child Jason survived on cereal, bananas, and grilled cheese sandwiches.  That's all he would eat.  When Jason's mom was alive she would always share with us the funny story of how they went to dinner as a family in a very nice restaurant in Sundance.  Jason ordered a grilled cheese sandwich.  The waiter brought out all of the food and his sandwich had a few alfalfa sprouts on it.  Jason immediately began to cry and he wouldn't touch his sandwich even after they removed all of the sprouts.  That's my Ezra to a T!  If you contaminate something then you're basically screwed!  Jason said all of his brothers, mom, and doctor all told him if he didn't eat something else that he wouldn't grow tall and strong.  Well, Jason is now 6 feet 4 inches and he is the tallest person in his family.  Go figure.

So all of this babbling on and on about Ezra's food issues was supposed to just give you a glimpse of his history and bring you up to speed for the present day.  We still struggle with things to feed Ezra.  He is still very picky.  He doesn't throw up anymore, and he also doesn't store food in his cheek, he's just plain picky and won't eat.  So can you imagine how wonderful it is to find a food that Ezra likes!!??  It's heaven on earth to find something that Ezra will eat.

Now let's talk yogurt.  This yogurt from Trader Joe's is the first yogurt I've been able to find for Ezra that he will eat.  He loves it.  It's not too runny or slimy.  It's very creamy and thick and it stays on the spoon perfectly.  Ezra loves it and has been eating at least 1 container a day for the past 2 years.

This is what the yogurt looks like.  It comes in a round container with a tear off foil lid and a pack of 6 yogurts are held together by a cardboard piece on top. 

About a month ago, Trader Joe's decided to change their packaging on this yogurt.  It is the EXACT SAME YOGURT it just comes in a slightly different looking package.  The container is now square-ish and the containers are connected together just by their own tops.  This is what it looks like now.  Really, there isn't much difference.


Clearly Trader Joe's decided to help out the environment with less packaging for the same delicious product.  I don't fault them for that at all.  But now Ezra won't touch it.  He won't eat yogurt anymore!  I've been patient with him this last month, I have thought that he just needs a little time to figure out that it is the same yogurt just in a slightly different package.  Well, it's been a month and he won't eat it at home and his yogurt comes home everyday from summer school with a note that reads: 'Ezra didn't want his yogurt today!'

So here I am frustrated and venting and wondering what the heck am I to do now?  I guess no more yogurt?  Or should I be persistent and keep buying yogurt to have it come home everyday and I have to throw it away?  Oh the joys of parenting this boy with Autism!!!  Does anyone have any advice??

I Lock My Child In His Room and Feel Great About It

A couple of months ago I was talking on the phone to one of my sisters-in-law.  We are friendly with each other, but we are bad at keeping up with each other's lives.  Hey, we're all busy!  We hadn't talked for awhile and were just catching up with our families and sharing funny stories.

I don't remember how the conversation got to this point, but for some reason I had casually mentioned that I lock my children in their rooms at night when I put them to bed.  My sister-in-law started laughing and immediately said: "you are so funny!"  I could tell she thought I was joking.  So I made sure she knew I wasn't.  "No, I'm serious, I lock my kids in their rooms at night."  She gave me a very nervous laugh.  There was silence for a few seconds, and she said: "You're being serious?"

I could tell that she was either going to call Child Protective Services on me or never talk to me again.  The memory of what happened to instigate us buying a lock for our front door and my kids' bedrooms all came rushing back to me.  It was one of the scariest days of my life and I will gladly lock my kids in their rooms to at least give me some peace of mind at night.

It happened over a year ago.  I will never forget that day.

We used to live in a beautifully wooded neighborhood that was very close to the Metro station.  Jason takes the Metro to work everyday, and this particular neighborhood is the closest you can get to the metro station.  It's in a very thickly wooded forest and when you walk to the end of the street there is a paved path that goes down a hill.  At the bottom of the hill you walk maybe 50 more feet and there is the Metro station.  The Metro train that takes you into DC stops here, as well as the Virginia Railway Express.  The VRE tracks are right on the ground and you could just walk right on the tracks if you wanted to.  The Metro tracks are harder to get to, but you could definitely fall into the Metro tracks pit.  I'm just trying to paint a picture of this for you.  There is a walkway bridge that lets you cross the VRE tracks to get to the Metro tracks.  This video I am showing you was taken from the walkway that overlooks the VRE tracks.

It's no secret that Ezra loves trains.  Last year he really loved trains.  He loved all things Thomas the Train.  When Jason was working for the government last year (and he got home at a normal 6:00pm time), we would always walk down to the metro station and meet him there.  It was something that Ezra loved doing- seeing daddy and trains.

Now let me tell you about my next door neighbor when we lived in this house.  Their names were Mark and Kelly.  They really were the greatest neighbors ever and Kelly and I became good friends, even though she was in her fifties.  They adopted a dog that was an older already trained dog.  Her name was Jordyn.  She was about 5 years old and really the best dog ever.  When they first got their dog we would play with her over at their house for hours.  I was certain (and am still very certain) that we would one day also get a dog for our boys.

Now that I've brought you up to speed with the circumstances, I will relive that day.  It still gives me chills and brings me to tears when I think about it.

Asher had just turned 2 and was invited to his very first birthday party.  I could not have been more thrilled as we don't get invited to a lot of birthday parties.  I was excited to get Asher socializing with some other kids and maybe make a new friend.  It was early on a Saturday morning.  I got Asher ready and dressed him up so cute and put him in the car.  Jason was home but he was busy setting up a new toddler bed for Ezra.  He was downstairs in the basement with his drill putting it together.  As I was pulling out in the car, I looked up and saw Ezra staring at me through his bedroom window.  I waved and didn't think of it again for another second.  We drove to the birthday party and Asher had a great time.

Asher at his first official birthday party!

About an hour later I got a call from Jason.  He asked me if I took Ezra to the birthday party.  Jason said that Ezra wasn't in the house and didn't know where he was.  WHAT?!?!?!  I was almost getting hysterical.  "NO!  This was a birthday party for Asher, I left Ezra at home with you!!"  With me on the phone, Jason ran outside and started running up the street and yelling for Ezra.  We knew that the only place he knew how to get to was the Metro strain station.  Then at the same moment my neighbor, Kelly was calling me.  I hung up with Jason and answered.  Kelly was also yelling: "Mark has Ezra down at the Metro station!"  I called Jason back and told him what Kelly told me, and he ran as fast as he could down to the Metro station.

Mark told him everything that happened:  Mark plays racquetball every Saturday morning.  This particular Saturday morning, Kelly called him to come home.  Jordyn, their dog, went outside and ran away.  Kelly didn't know where Jordyn was and the dog had never done this before, so she called Mark to help her come and look for the dog.  Mark begrudgingly came home early.  He drove his car down to the Metro path because he knew his dog loved to play in the meadow along the path.  All of a sudden he said he looked up to see Ezra running down the busy street headed straight to the VRE tracks.  He said that Ezra did not look scared at all, but determined and he knew exactly what he was doing.  He waited for a few seconds to see if we were close by.  When one of us didn't show up he went after him.

Mark said that he corralled Ezra into his car so that he would not run away again.  Ezra wasn't scared and sat in the front seat.  There was a lady walking by who was going to the Metro herself.  She became concerned because she felt like Mark was trying to kidnap Ezra.  The lady stayed with Ezra and Mark and threatened to call the police.  It was only a few minutes later that Jason came running down the path out of breath looking for Ezra.  Ezra jumped into his arms and Jason carried him home safe and sound.

Oh, and are you wondering what happened to Jordyn?  Well, she went right back home and was in their front yard when Mark pulled in.  I truly think that dog saved the day.  And God too, for sure.  I almost died that day.  So many things could have happened to Ezra that didn't happen.  He could have been hit by a car.  He could have been hit by a train.  He could have been kidnapped.  He could have fallen into the creek and drowned.  But nothing happened and I know it's because Ezra is such a special kid and he has a whole group of guardian angels watching him each and everyday.  Even Mark, who is an atheist and the head biologist at the National Zoo, admitted to me that there was some greater power that day protecting Ezra.

Ezra had no problem falling asleep that night.  He fell asleep on the floor even before bedtime.

That day was spent snuggling Ezra all day long.  And Jason took a trip to Home Depot and bought 2 locks for the kids' bedroom doors and a top latch lock for our front door.  And I still lock my kids in their rooms at night and I feel absolutely great about it. :-)

I Wanted My Child to Have a Hearing Problem....

Playing while we wait for the ear doctor

No one can understand anything that Asher says.  Even me.  I would say that 98% of his speech is unintelligible.  He does have signs that he uses.  Very simple signs like more, drink, eat, all done, etc.  Even though Asher's speech is completely unintelligible, I can usually understand what he is trying to say by his gestures, better than I can understand Ezra.  I know it is terrible to compare children, and I am not trying to do that.  But I am comparing their Autism.  Ezra never tried to communicate with us.  Even now although Ezra does talk, he would much rather do his own thing then talk to us about something.  Asher talks non-stop to me.  He blabs away all day long.  When I don't know what he is saying he will whine and cry and get upset.  When I couldn't understand Ezra, he would just stop communicating and do something else.  He wouldn't care.  He still doesn't care.

I've also talked on here how Ezra has Echolalia.  That's where you repeat the last thing that was said to you.  For example, if I ask Ezra: do you want milk or juice?  He will always say juice.  But if 5 seconds after I ask the question if I switch it around and say: 'do you want juice or milk?'  He will say milk.  It gets tricky and complicated to figure out what it is that he wants.  I usually will have to show him concrete items and have him choose that way.  He also doesn't know how to answer a yes or no question and he will usually just copy whatever you just said.  Ex: "Ezra, do you want to go to the park, yes or no?"  And he will say: 'Go to the park, yes or no?'

Asher does not do this.  He answers questions.  He can tell me what he prefers, what book he wants to read, what he wants to drink, what he wants to eat, and if he wants to play outside.  He can answer a yes or no question like nobody's business.  He is awesome at answering questions!  For that, I am so grateful.  But, no one can understand what in the crap he is saying.  Even me.

Asher has an ABA preschool teacher, a school speech therapist, a private speech therapist, and a private OT therapist.  I have had three of his four therapist tell me that it sounds like (I mean this in the most respectable way possible) Asher has a deaf accent.  Like he can't hear very well or hear himself speak very well so the speech that comes out isn't very easy to understand.

As an infant Asher had around six ear infections his first year of life.  Our pediatrician said that if he got another ear infection that tubes would need to be put in.  He never had another ear infection and so tubes were never placed.  Also, around 18 months Asher had a hearing test through the county and he passed that hearing test.  So even after his therapist told me that it sounded like he couldn't hear very well, I brushed it aside because he passed a hearing test 2 years ago.

Then I was spoke to a lady that goes to my church.  She is Asher's teacher at church and she said the same thing to me: that it sounded like Asher couldn't hear very well.  She told me about her son, who is now 7, and how he passed his hearing tests when he was Asher's age.  She was not satisfied with that and so they took their son to an ENT who found a massive amount of fluid in his ears.  They scheduled an out patient surgery, gave her son tubes, and within a few weeks he was speaking clearly and his language exploded.  When she was telling me this, I just got this feeling that I should have Asher checked out too.  I guess it doesn't hurt to rule it out, right?

I called my pediatrician and had her give me a referral for an ENT.  I called and made our first appointment.  Our first appointment was awful.  First off, they told me to arrive 30 minutes prior to his appointment.  Our appointment was at 2:30 so I took the boys out of therapy early (our speech therapy and OT is just across the street) and arrived at the office at 2:00 pm.  The lady had me sign 4 papers, I gave her my insurance card and driver's license, and I paid the $30 copay.  I looked at the clock and it was 2:03 pm.  Awesome!  So glad we came early.

The waiting room was filled with old people that looked very annoyed to have little kids around.  Especially my kids.  It was silent in the waiting room and there wasn't a single toy or book in sight.  I thought that was weird.  Then Ezra pooped his pants around 3:00 pm (an hour after we arrived!) so we had to take him to their teeny bathroom and take care of that.  I brought lots of snacks and the iPad to pass the time.  But the waiting room was teeny.  It was hot and stuffy and we were all dying.  Finally, by 4:00 pm they called us back.  Yes, I am not kidding.  We waited in the waiting room for 2 freaking hours.  My kids were already climbing off the walls and I was about to die.

To put it nicely, the doctor was an arrogant jerk.  I was already in a bad mood to begin with.  In the treatment room we were waiting in, there were several photographs that were signed by the doctor.  He had obviously taken them.  When he came in I told him I liked his photos.  He then went on and on and on about his hikes and the sabbatical he had just taken to this beautiful and weird place.  After about 5 minutes of his boasting I said: "Looks like Bryce Canyon and Goblin Valley."  He was surprised that I knew what the photos were and that finally shut him up.  I grew up in Utah so it would be sad if I didn't know my Utah National Parks.

I explained to him why we were here and he was very dismissive of my concerns.  He told me he felt like it was probably 'an Autism problem and not a hearing problem'.  The mama bear in me wanted to punch him in the face.  He agreed to look in Asher's ears.  No surprise, he couldn't see his ear drum because his ears were caked with ear wax.  This runs in Jason's family.  Jason had similar problems when he was little.  He had to get his ears professionally cleaned when he was young because his ear wax was so bad.  The doctor said he would try to clean out the wax and see if he could see the ear drum.

He called in a nurse to help.  The nurse looked like the giant from the Princess Bride.  What's that guys name?  Fezzik?  This guy was huge and had a long beard and the biggest fattest hands I have ever seen.  Asher began squirming and crying even before they put him up on the table.  I knew this was not going to be good.  The Fezzik nurse picked him up and laid him on the table.  He told me to lay my body vertically over Asher's horizontal body.  Then the nurse squeezed Asher's face in a death grip between his fat and large hands.  Asher cried and screamed and squirmed his body.  I looked up every minute or so and saw the doctor pulling out large chunks of black ear wax.  After about 5 minutes I was dripping sweat on my forehead and my top lip.  Asher did not stop fighting and it was so hard to hold him still.  It absolutely broke my heart as he looked at me while tears were streaming down his face.  In his screams I could recognize his speech: 'Mm mm mm Aaaaa din Aaaaa din'.  Which translates to: 'Mama, all done!  Mama, All done!!'  My heart was breaking.  After 10 minutes I looked up at the Fezzik nurse to see one large sweat drop running down the side of his face.  I looked at Asher again and all of the hair around his face was completely drenched with sweat and his face was bright red.  I have never felt so bad for one of my boys in my life.  We were essentially torturing him.

The doctor finally vacuumed as much wax as he could out of his ears.  We were done, finally.  Asher jumped into my arms and cuddled into my neck.  I was grateful that Asher wasn't mad at me after I laid my whole body on top of him and let someone torture him for over 10 minutes.

The doctor said that he got as much of the ear wax out that he could.  But he still could not see Asher's ear drums.  His ear drums were still covered in ear wax.  He said that he couldn't clean the wax off because he could not take the chance that Asher squirm and move and he could potentially poke a hole in his ear drum.  For that I am grateful.  He said that there was nothing else he could do.  He was not going to put Asher to sleep just to clean his ears.  We scheduled a hearing test for the next day and the doctor said that if he passed the hearing test then he would  not do anything else.  Does that seem right?

Again, he was very dismissive and told me that he thought it was more of 'an Autism problem and not a hearing problem'.  He said that he had never seen a 3 year old squirm so much and this was also 'an Autism problem'.  In my opinion, he was a jackass.  Excuse my french.  It comes out every now and then.

Of course I left the office tired and absolutely deflated.  My husband had been out of the country for work, so he was not reachable.  I drove home with the kids and cried the whole way home.  I try so hard to give these kids every chance and opportunity I can.  And honestly, I was hoping that by some miracle or magic spell, that Asher's ears would be the problem.  I prayed that maybe he just had a hearing problem and was misdiagnosed with Autism.  I wanted him to have a hearing problem!!!  How crazy is that??  And then I felt all of the problems of the world would be solved.

Nope, that's not the case.  We went back the next day for a hearing test.  Asher would not cooperate, so the test came back inconclusive.  Although they think he can hear just fine.  Again, the audiologist said that it was an 'autism problem and not a hearing problem'.  But he still has wax caked on his ear drums.  The doctor thinks that ear wax wouldn't affect his hearing and that I am crazy.  Like I said earlier, this doctor is a jackass.

So here I am completely and utterly deflated.  It doesn't seem right to me that Asher has so much ear wax in his ears and we just don't know if that is affecting his hearing.  So, I scheduled a second opinion at a Pediatric Audiologist in Washington, DC.  I am praying that they can give me some answers.

Update: I took Asher to the Pediatric Audiologist at Children's National.  They were so nice there and actually got Asher to cooperate on most of the tests!  It's amazing!  I guess if you ask nicely and are a nice person then Asher will comply.  The tests came back and Asher's hearing is normal.  They also tested to see if there is any fluid on the ear drums- and no fluid.  They concluded that he has perfectly healthy ears and a perfectly healthy amount of ear wax in his ears.  This is good news!  Now we know Asher will just have to start talking clearly the old fashioned way- by practicing!!

Autism Awareness Day

April 2, 2014 was Autism Awareness Day.  We celebrated the day with cupcakes after dinner and a long restful night sleep because the next day we traveled to Disney World.

I've always wanted to find some really cute Autism shirts for the boys.  Every time I have looked, I have not had any luck.  They all look like garbage screen printed on a gross ill fitting t-shirt.  No thanks.  Then a few weeks ago I struck gold.  I was perusing Etsy (like usual) and searching and searching for anything related to 'Autism t-shirts'.  I found the cutest shop ever, FinchPickles.  The shirts my boys are wearing are from her shop.  You can find her shop here.



My boys wore these shirts to school and to therapy that day.  I have never had so many emails and texts asking me where I got these from or if I made them myself.  The shirts are super high quality.  She even hand dyes the t-shirts making every piece super unique.  I would put these on par with Mini Boden in fit and quality.  Shipping and turn around time was super fast.  I was surprised and overjoyed when these shirts arrived in my mailbox days before Autism Awareness Day.  So cute and just to die for!



I also fell in love with the shop owner.  She also has a son on the spectrum, about the same age as my oldest son.  Our conversations were like talking to an old friend.  AND I later learned that we share the same birthday.  I mean, how cool is that?  So go on over and check out her Etsy site full of awesome handmade goods.  She has lots of cute items- for kids on the spectrum and not.  I highly recommend this shop!

Boys' Autism shirts found here.

FinchPickles shop found here.

My Ash

This is my Asher.  He is delectable.  Well, when he wants to be.  Most of the time he is.  Well, part of the time he is.  Sometimes he is.  I am just wondering if it is possible to love someone so much it hurts but at the exact same time they are the bane of your existence?  :-)

 Oh goodness!!  I keep looking at that face of his and then suddenly it doesn't matter that he wiped the peanut butter off his sandwich and onto the couch (do you know how hard it is to get peanut butter out??) and took his shoes, socks, and pants off while we were at Nordstrom and ran around like a crazy mad man (I got lots of mom stink eyes).  I truly love this boy so much.  He melts my heart. (Note to future self- don't take your 2 boys with Autism to Nordstrom!).

Building robots with Ezra during play time in the PAC

 Asher was diagnosed with Autism when he was just over 2 years old.  That is very early for the norm.  Since Asher has an older brother who is on the spectrum, we have been participating in Autism studies since Asher was around 6 months old.  They still don't know why, but there is some genetic component to Autism.  That is why if you have 1 child with Autism, the chances are greater that you will have another on the spectrum.  Those chances also increase with boys.  Still, no one yet knows why it is this way.  So to make a very long story short, the moment Ezra was diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (at age 2.5) we did absolutely everything possible to keep a watch on our Asher.  He participated in two different sibling Autism studies.  The first study lasted a year and the second study lasted 3 years (we are still participating).  We enrolled him in Infant and Toddler Connection the second he qualified for services.  We had a therapist at our home weekly.  He also has speech therapy and occupational therapy weekly.  Suffice it to say, I believe in early intervention.  I feel like it is absolutely key to helping these little guys.

Working on 'pretend play' with Ezra in the PAC

 Last September Asher started pre-school (at age 2.5) at our local public school.  The county I live in is seriously amazing and has the most amazing schools and school district I have ever seen.  It is such a blessing that we live here.  My oldest son attends the Preschool Autism Classroom (nicknamed PAC) at our neighborhood elementary school.  Ezra is in his 3rd year of the PAC.  And yes, this means he will start kindergarten next year (don't start freaking out yet Jeni!).

Working on colors and sorting

Last September Asher also started the PAC.  When Ezra started the PAC almost 3 years ago I cried almost everyday and was so sad that he was gone all day.  It was really hard for me and I worried about him so much.  It is heartbreaking to put a backpack on your 2.5 year old son, have a huge bus stop in front of your house, and have to lift your son up onto the bus because he is too small to get up there on his own.  I prayed and cried and worried myself to death when Ezra started preschool.  I remember being physically sick to my stomach and worried that something would happen to him.  But the more Ezra went to school (like I said, he's in his 3rd year) the more I fell in love with his teachers, his assistants, and yes, even our principal.  I was so happy that Ezra was going to school and learning and doing things that I did not have the ability or knowledge to teach him (the preschool is ABA based).

When Asher started in September I was sad, don't get me wrong, but I was excited for him too.  I knew how much preschool had helped Ezra.  Ezra was essentially non-verbal and just moaned and screamed when he started school (but he was as smart as a whip and knew his planets, numbers, and alphabet, among other things).  Asher had seen Ezra get on and off the bus so many times before.  Now he could go!  I also knew that early intervention was so important and that I needed to let go of him for a few hours a day so that he could get the help he needed.  That's all I wanted for him.  Just to be the best possible version of Asher he could be.  It also helped and was comforting to know that Asher would be riding the bus with Ezra  and that he would see him throughout the day.  They deliberately chose not to put them in the same class (there are 2 PAC classes at my school) but the PAC classes combine all of the time, so I knew that Ezra and Asher would spend a lot of time together.

Sensory play!  He is not sure he wants to touch that weird feeling thing!

At the end of the second grading quarter (the end of January) we met with Asher's teacher to discuss his progress.  Jason and I were both very surprised and excited to learn that Asher had mastered every goal they had set for him at the beginning of the year.  He knew all of his numbers, colors, animals, the alphabet, matching, etc.  But they were still nervous (and I was too) because although Asher talks a lot, none of his speech was intelligible.

Working on sorting and matching!

A few weeks went by and I noticed that Asher's speech began to be more and more clear.  Most of it (like 98%) is still a jumbled mess and I even cannot understand him.  But he tries to communicate so hard with us.  This is a cool thing.  He tries!  He wants to communicate, he points and tries to show me things and gets very frustrated when I do not understand his needs / wants.  Ezra never did this.  He never cared or tried to communicate with us.

Not a fan of swinging!  Can you tell?

 A few weeks ago I got a phone call from Asher's teacher.  Of course I assumed the worst and thought he had fallen off the slide and broke his arm or something horrible like that.  I am really great at freaking out. :-)  No, she was calling me because she felt like Asher does not belong in the PAC anymore.  She said that he waves at his classmates and says hi to them spontaneously.  There is another student in his class that cries a lot, and Asher comforts this boy by patting his back and giving him half hugs.  She said that Asher is very social and the other students in his class do not even notice he is there.  I was surprised.  I asked her if she felt that Asher was different than Ezra, because in the 3 years Ezra has been in the PAC- I have never had a discussion that he should graduate from the PAC.  "Oh yes", she said.  "There is a huge difference between Ezra and Asher."

Asher loves his teachers!

 I don't know what came over me, but after she said that I dropped to the floor in my kitchen and began sobbing.  Uncontrollably sobbing my eyes out.  Asher's teacher was still on the phone.  It was silent on the phone for about a minute (on her end, while I was bawling).  After I gained composure of myself, I realized how embarrassed I was.  Did I really just start hysterically crying?  I wasn't crying because I was sad.  No.  I was crying because I was happy.  Very happy.  When Ezra was diagnosed with Autism I thought: 'God, I can do this!  I will be his voice and I will fight for him!'  When Asher was diagnosed with Autism, I wanted to jump off a bridge.  I definitely felt sorry for myself and thought: 'Why me, God?!'  I had a nice long pity party for a few weeks.  Then I dusted myself off and got back to work.  I think my crying outburst was just pent up emotions that I've been holding in for a very long time.  She consoled me and told me that this was a good thing and that Asher would be fine.  We talked a lot more.

Asher's PAC teacher.  We love her!  She will be missed!

Basically there are 2 special education preschools in my school district.  One of them being the PAC.  The PAC is very rigid and is ABA based.  The hours are longer and there is typically a one to one teacher student ratio (one teacher and 2 teacher assistants in each classroom).  There is another special education preschool for children that are considered 'special education' but are not on the spectrum.  They call this classroom Non-Categorical.  It is nicknamed NONCAT.  This preschool classroom is just down the hall from the PAC.  If you were to observe the classroom, it looks like a typical preschool classroom.  They have story time, do art projects, go to the library, all the things that happen in a normal preschool classroom.  There is only 1 teacher for 8 - 10 students.  It's less hours everyday (only 2.5 - 3).  And lots more opportunities to be social and interact with kids his own age.  This is a very good thing!

That face just melts my whole body!

 Asher has been in the NONCAT for a little over a month now.  Although Asher is still the bane of my existence (I am kidding when I say that!) I can already tell he has learned so much from his classroom.  He is speaking more clearly.  He is using the potty.  He is acting more like a 3 year old should act (like finding the sharpie pens and scribbling all over the mail!!  --hey- I am just happy that it was on paper and not something else!)  He tantrums like he is 3 years old.  He tries to communicate with me and he doesn't give up until I understand.  He is independent and wants to put his clothes/shoes/socks on by himself.  He loves being read to.  He is the best sidekick I could ever ask for!  I love my Asher.  I am so proud of him and all of the progress he has made.  I am sad that he won't see Ezra at school anymore, but I know this is a good thing to make Asher the best version of himself that he can be.  Hooray for my Asher!  :-)

The Greatest App I've Downloaded this Year!

I downloaded an app about a month ago from the iTunes app store that has seriously changed my life.  I've used it a lot over the past few weeks and it has my stamp of approval.  I have to share.

Every app out there is designed in some way to make your life easier.  So let me share with you my "First, Then" card.

To explain, "First, Then" is a behavior management tool for kids with Autism.  It is used as a visual prompt for children to know what they must work on or accomplish before they get a reinforcer.  The "First" is what the child needs to do.  The "Then" is the reinforcer and what the child has to look forward to when they accomplish the task.

Here is a sad sad sad sad picture of my "First, Then" card that I've used this past year.  The lamination is totally falling off.  The card is bending.  It looks awful.

You can see that there is a tiny piece of velcro on both squares so that I can put a visual prompt (a picture) on the card so that the child knows what to do.  It will end up looking like this:

I have a PECS kit (Picture Exchange Communication System) that I use for the pictures on my "First, Then" card.  The kit has about 150 stock photos in it.  I think I use maybe 8 of the 150 pictures regularly.  That isn't my toilet, but a stock photo of a toilet.  And my kids have never seen candy that looks like that before in brightly colored wrappers.  Kind of reminds me of the really crappy candy that's in those giant Costco bags at Halloween.  Anyway, I've taught my kids that this picture means candy.  So they know that if they use the potty, they will get a piece of candy.  And more specifically, they will get 1 M&M of the color of their choice.  Wouldn't it be nice if I actually had a picture of something that was useful to our specific world and routines?! I used to take pictures of everything, but that got old fast.  I was taking pictures, getting them developed (who develops pictures anymore?), and then running to get them laminated.  Plus I was running out of velcro or the velcro was falling off my pictures.  It was a mess!!

This is all of my PECS photos.  What a waste!  I hardly use any of them!

Enter the greatest app that has made my life so much easier!

It's called "First & Then" and you can get it here!

This is a lovely screen shot from my iPhone.  This is what the app looks like when you open it.

This app let's you take a picture of anything you want or use pictures that are already on your phone or iPad.  Or it let's you use pictures that you have already used in the past on the app.  It is AWESOME!  You take a picture of something that your child doesn't want to do.  In this picture above,  Asher doesn't like brushing his teeth.  He LOVES stories and being read to, so the bed time story is his reinforcer.  If he let's us brush his teeth, then he will get a story before night night.  IT WORKS!

Another thing about this app that my kids like is when they are finished with the "First" task they drag the picture to the checkered box and it completes the task.  You'll here a big swoosh sound.  It reminds me of the sound when you send an email on your phone, except much louder.  My kids love dragging the picture to the completed box when they are finished!  Also, see that clock in the middle of the app?  You can also put a timer on any of the tasks.  For example, if the reinforcer is an iPad you can put a timer on the "Then" card so that the child is only spending how long you want them to be spending on the reinforcer.  It also makes transitions away from the reinforcer so much more easy!

I use this app probably 5 times a week.  I just used it this morning.  Asher did not want to get dressed this morning (he has issues with taking shirts on and off over his head).  BUT Asher really wanted a cereal bar for breakfast.  So I quickly took a picture of his shirt that I was trying to get him to put on.  Then I took a picture of the cereal bar he was begging for.  When I show him what I want him to do in this way, he understands it and the tantrums are not as severe!  Hallelujah!

So there you have it!  The greatest app I've discovered this year!  Download it and try it out!

Doughnuts!

Lately my Ezra has been super into doughnuts.  It's adorable.  He often asks: "Go get doughnuts with daddy?"  My husband, Jason, works a lot.  He is a patent attorney in Washington, D.C.  He is brilliant at what he does.  It's awesome, but it also means that most nights he gets home after the kids go to bed.  He has been trying to spend special time with each boy alone.  Saturday mornings he has been taking Ezra to go and get doughnuts.  Ezra loves it and feels so special!

It's really nothing fancy.  He just takes him to our local Shoppers grocery store.  It's kind of a ghetto grocery store, but they have the best doughnuts fresh each morning.  Cheap too.  Ezra knows the routine.  He picks up the box and chooses 3 doughnuts to put in his box.  Then they walk to the check out and Ezra puts the box on the conveyor belt.  He carries the box to the car and holds it during the drive home.  Once home he takes his shoes off and brings the box of doughnuts upstairs and puts them on the kitchen counter.

I know this seems so simple for all of you parents out there that do this all of the time.  You don't even think about it because it is so easy.  But we have worked our way up to this for weeks.  All of my boys' behaviors have been taught, mimicked, and practiced over and over.  At first Ezra did not want to let go of the box and would freak out once it went up on the conveyor belt.  He also would get mad if something came out of order- like if Jason grabbed a few extra groceries before they went to check out.  Or he would get upset since he had to put the box of doughnuts down in order to take his shoes off.  Believe me, we've experienced it all.  It's taken about 7 weeks, but he has it down now and loves spending time with daddy.

They also stop to check out the poodles getting haircuts.  My boys LOVE dogs.  Love them.  I definitely think that one of these days I will succumb and we will probably get a dog.  Not yet though.

Now Ezra finally gets to enjoy his doughnut!  Notice his rocketship shirt?  If you haven't already seen it, you will see a lot more of it.  He loves it and asks to wear it almost everyday.  I try to wash it as much as I can so that he can wear it.  He wears it probably three times a week.  His preschool teachers probably think that he has no clothes!

We are working on eating and chewing with both of our boys.  Ezra has the inability to take a bite of food.  He doesn't know how.  Our therapists say it has to do with the whole 'he cannot tell where his body is in space'.  Meaning he cannot tell when or if his mouth is full of food.  We are working on it though and he is getting much better!  All of Ezra's food is cut up or broken up into small pieces so that he can put them in his mouth and chew them.  If we gave him this entire doughnut then he would shove the whole thing in his mouth (which would not fit) and he would probably gag himself and throw-up.  That's another story, but the first few years of his life we had a lot of throwing up going on.